I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
