im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
