I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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