I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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