My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
