The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
