My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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