not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
