I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
