I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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