when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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