I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
