then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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