The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
True college students do jello shots in the library
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
