I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize