You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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