I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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