i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I party with great urgency now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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