Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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