Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
