And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
