How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
