Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
