doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
