You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize