We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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