i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
