What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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