Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
