I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize