i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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