eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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