if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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