these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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