I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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