she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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