So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
