I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
