it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
