Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
