wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
