I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
