I can text with my tongue
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Randomize
