i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
