please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
