: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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