I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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