I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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