i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
