if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
