i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
