she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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