So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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