I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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