Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
