in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
