oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
