I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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