Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize