I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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