I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
