She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
