You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
