I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
