I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
