dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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