Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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