I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
