its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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