I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
