Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
