Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
