Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
