Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
