I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
