whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
